Deeper

It’s been a while. In between we celebrated 2 furkids’ birthdays (including that of one who has departed for a couple of years now), visited numerous interesting and blog-worthy eateries and restaurants, and met interesting people. Plentiful topics to write about yet there was simply a complete lack of motivation. Closing down the blog for good has crossed my mind but I just never got down to doing it. After all, I’ve been blogging for 9 years now… I wouldn’t have come this far if the motivation was sustained simply on novelty.

And so here I am back again. Currently many things are consuming my mind. So many that I don’t even know how I should mull over them all at the same time. I haven’t felt this confused and low in quite a while. It just felt like nothing seems to be going right for me at all. No, nothing is going right at this point in time. I look at my elderly parents bogged down by so many medical issues that ail most elderly and wonder why they are still able to embrace each new day with so much enthusiasm. They must wonder how they managed to raise a daughter who is so pessimistic when it comes to life and being alive.

We have a trip planned for October yet nothing has been decided because the itinerary I planned has not been approved. My business idea was just in its infancy stage but it seems like it will be crushed before it bears fruit. I lost a lot of very precious data in a 3TB external hard disk because the USB port became dislodged. He is denying me the chance of ever being a mother with a sweeping statement that I will not be a good one. And both parents have been needing my company to go for medical appointments and procedures every week for the past month. It may appear to be very trivial issues to an onlooker but the physical and mental stress of it all are adding up and I find myself losing my sanity. And falling deeper into an abyss of darkness.

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